apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
