I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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