I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
