Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
