I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
