I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
