What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
