I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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