We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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