Girls should come with a carfax report
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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