I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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