I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I didn't notice because vodka
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
