Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
