I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
