after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
