It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
