my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
