I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
