whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
