my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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