I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
