good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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