Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
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