I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
this just has baby written all over it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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