I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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