Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
