the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
