nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
