Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
