Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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