I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We got so high we made milksteak
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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