We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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