loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
