I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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