Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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