You're my little dorito
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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