Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
