Where did you get a picture of my penis
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There are leaves in my underwear?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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