those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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