Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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