Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
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