Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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