Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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