I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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