Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
