I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
