you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
