I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
