Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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