The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
